unique building materials

Every one of these damned things are the same. Cookie cut from the Devils personal holiday set. Since I started working in Corporate Fucking America, originally as a step towards funding my career as a professional student, it has always been the same. I fear the policies and procedures, I loathe the training sessions and despise mission statements. Fuck Jeans Day Friday! Seriously now. Redundant? Yes. Mandatory brainwashing ensues now and forever...
So, through nearly a decade of self induced pain ( I can admit it at least) the most vile aspects of the customer service experience I have noted and memorized. I wont allow it to be blocked. No, I want the agony to be searing fresh. These dozens of companies shortcomings are logged into my mental reasons-for-never-working-phones-again list. Only now, I look back at the 8 to 10 years of my so called progress and see it for what it is. Denial. Denial of the truth. Truth is, I dont know what the hell I am doing in another phone job. I feel like I am stuck in a gigantic poisonous bubble of TPS reports. Jesus H Christ in a taxi cab.
I am 28 years old. I am healthy. I am fairly intelligent. I have a beautiful daughter. I lack ambition, desire and drive almost every day of my life. I obviously lack some self worth. Here I am again. Again and again. I work for a company who supports a company who is contracted by a company who works for the state. Can you imagine that corporate tree graph? *shivers* The little cloned soldiers speak the same exact mantra. " You know the pay isnt that great, but I stuck around this place because of the wonderful feeling I get from helping people". I am convinced already. I am going to ask the management if I can work with no pay because the humanitarian role I am allowed to participate in is just too fucking rewarding to considered being paid for. Yeah...
The possibility for advancement here is nearly unlimited, however, I have zero desire to climb the corporate ladder. Corporate... I cringe at the word every single time. Nothing positive comes to mind thinking of it. Words like politics, back stabbing, nepotism, conformity, swastikas... these come to mind rather quickly though.
It is unnatural for human beings to sit in a cubicle surrounded by windowless views and blaring propaganda. It is unnatural to be subjected to an eight to ten hour shift of unproperly recycled air. It is known that prolonged exposure to radiation can cause cancers or tumors or other nasty things. An ear piece snuggly fit to the side of my brain five days a week for God knows how long might be considered a health risk. Guess I will keep the pay after all, you know, just in case I have to pay for my new brain some day. I dont mind though. As long as I am helping the people my satisfaction is A OK.
Since being out of school for almost one year exactly I imagine my brains regression as a full on hallucination. A giant grey clock working in reverse. Tock Tick Tock Tick. Luckily, through our God given traits of laziness I can slip into the routine quite easily. It becomes so natural so quickly. This daily grind is so nice. Oooh I shall have another! I might try and force myself to believe the lie. I might find more peace and resolution by blowing my brains onto the projector in front of me. Ant farm mentality, Corporate fucking senility.
We work to pay our rent, feed ourselves, put clothes on our backs, support our kids, buy a six pack, whatever. We work to make our anthill a little taller, a little further reaching and more magnificent than the surrounding anthills. The only problem I have with this plan is this: When I climb to the top of an anthill and survey the surrounding hills all I see is dirt. I dont see the differences in structure or varying quality of tunnels or unique building materials. I only see the dirt.
April 17th, 2006