All my life I have been drawing symbols and relics. I draw things that I don't understand or possibily have no understanding at all. I have always done this. Sometimes these images are symmetrical in design, sometimes they are organic, sometimes even completely random and abstract. Ancient runes of my childhoods imagination. I don't draw them and sit back thinking cool or this shit looks awesome. I just draw them. The only thing I can compare this with is an experience that only a select group will comprehend. You know when you take LSD or the equivilent amount of mushrooms and patterns appear in everything you see? Walls covered in an azteca meets alien hieroglyphic scrawl that grows and changes, evolves and transforms within the blink of an eyelash... a single heartbeat... the slight change in temperature. Anything can cause it. This is the only experience I can compare it to. I don't think of my scribblings as detailed works of art and the answer is simpler than that. My brain creates these patterns like a calculator dividing a number into itself infinitely. It just do what it do baby. The brain is always working out some puzzle or problem. It sifts through all that mashed potato to find that single particle of chive (at least I hope your brain is doing it, with or without your concent). These normally invisible puzzles are much like fractals in many ways, only needing the correct formula or watercolor (aka Lysergic Acid Diethylamide) to be seen. My brain somehow connects with my hand after already having a meeting with my eyes telling it to create these things while my sense of purpose, understanding and willpower are locked in a dark room filled with looping Enya songs. I draw these things. I question their value. I try to enhance them, making them more asthecially pleasing. I know this isn't going to help altering my brains unraveled yarn of thoughts but I need control over something to which I have no control over. I have zero inside knowledge to grasp a straw with. Is it meaningless? Is it a key to unlocking the universe? I will patiently wait for a clue.
Thinking about my symbol drawing opens up a tiny realization to me. My symbol drawing is very connected to my writing in a way. Different formula but the same result. Only real difference is that I understand words much better than I understand subconscious brainpainting.
March 15th, 2007
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