black ashes against her white skin

I find myself walking through a dense swamp. I don't know where I am or what brought me to this wet jungle. I am sweating profusely but I can not feel the heat of this place. I am wearing a short sleeved white woven shirt that is almost completely transparent because of my perspiration. My shorts are thin and baggy. They seem to, at one time, have been tan khaki pants but are now shredded up to the knees. I have no shoes or footwear of any kind on my feet; no protection at all. My skin stings where it is exposed due to numerous scratches, cuts and bites. I stop walking to take stock of my surroundings, making sure I am standing on as much dry land as possible, constantly searching for unseen dangers. 

I turn to my right and see a woman lying on the ground. She is naked and filthy. Her hair is matted and muddy. Her skin looks as if someone carefully painted ashes over her entire body with a thick brush. This contrast of the black ashes against her white skin remind me of shadows in the moonlight and I am attached to my sense of fear simultaneously. She is staring at me, her eyes wide and pleading. Her lips move but but nothing else in this woman stirs. She must be paralyzed. The ripples bouncing off the muddy banks nearby catch my attention next. I watch the water reverberate in the perfect arc. I am filled with a sense of peace that reminds me of when I was a child. I would throw a rock into the middle of the pond and follow a single ripple to the shore and then back to the center until it meshes with the waters current into obscurity.

A giant snake slowly emerges from these ripples and slides over the wet earth. I panic at the sight of this thing and turn my head to run but I can't. There is no where for me to escape but back into the black water. I stand on the edge of this tiny island, the woman barely six feet from my position, the snake tests the air with its thick and shiny purple tongue. I search frantically with my eyes for anything to use as a weapon but find nothing. The woman is now pleading to me (in some language that I am not familiar with) through her teeth. She continues to stare at me. I am here to witness here death. As I sleep comfortably in my bed thousands of miles away, this womans intense fear and extreme stress have brought me to her. She doesn't want to die alone. She believes I am a spirit or angel of some form or another here to take her into Her Heaven. I can only watch in complete terror as the snake slowly devours its prey from toe to head. I try closing my eyes but I instantly open them, gasping for air; closing my eyes places me in the body of the woman being eaten alive. I am forced to stare at this nightmare with unblinking bloodshot eyes. I can't breathe well and there is a tightness around my chest. I can't even move my body. The woman's face is now slipping into the cavernous depths of the anacondas body.

I am slipping out of this world. I feel as if I am falling asleep again and the jungle takes on a textured look that covers my entire vision. This texture expands to gradually blur out any detail I had of this jungle. I awake, covered in sweat. I can't remove myself from the sorrow I feel for the woman. I take deep breaths of air into my lungs but still can't escape the sense of still being right there watching it all. Tears form in the corner of my eyes and I wipe them away. I crawl out of bed to find my brother and a sense of reality waiting for me in the real world.

Last night I lied on the couch feeling tired enough to sleep but couldn't. I had seen something on the television that sparked a long forgotten memory. How long ago had this nightmare planted itself into my subconscious? I had no reference of time. I couldn't sleep. I still hadn't slept almost eight hours later. I am writing this nightmare down hoping that it can be released from me this way.

Feb 15th, 2007