I did not know what to expect really. I had not tripped in so long that I had little real frame of physical memory for reference. I decided to smoke about half of the dark, almost black, dried herbs hoping to get a good buzz for the first time trying it. I wrote this as I was experiencing it and for some reason unbeknownst to me I wrote *(and could not force myself at that point in my narration to write in present tense) in past tense only. Strange this drug was indeed. I have done more than my share (and maybe some of others shares too) of mind-altering drugs in my life and this was the most foreign feeling I have ever purposely undertaken.
I inhaled the smoke from a water bong, and remembered to hold my breath for as long as I could, as directed by an acquaintance. I was also told to have a chaperon at hand before ingesting this drug but that rule was clearly already broken. After a very short period of about 30 seconds I noticed the quick change in colors and the detailed yet filmy quality of the effects of my hallucinating. It was only a layer or two at most, but the layers were there, transfixed in my vision at every angle. I then became aware of having, or what seemed to be, a sort of out-of-body experience. I was not completely outside of my body but just above and behind myself by no more than centimeters, maybe even millimeters but who was there to measure such a thing? I was askew in every meaning of the word. I felt the inside of my mouth burning from the chili I had eaten just minutes before. It was burning badly at this point due to my mouth being closed for so long and I could taste the individual spices I had put into my chili. Beyond viewing this reaction, I could step away from the pain and go **elsewhere. Only when I drew in to inspect it closely did I really feel the total burning sensation. It was a very interesting feeling to be outside of my senses when I chose. Having a full stomach unattached to me in the void I was in made my hunger immensely stronger. I reconnected it with my mind to keep from feeling so ravenous. Going back to the pain in my mouth was a conscience decision I made, only to experience pain with some control which was something I had not done before with much practice. I then realized I was still holding my breath. I questioned my own body through the intimate machinery of personal thought. The little wheels and levers silently cranked out more unspoken words. How long it would take before my being would either somehow physically warn me of needing oxygen or plainly pass out from the lack of it? I heard an echo of my questioning come back to me only a fraction of a second after I had thought the words themselves. I decided to finally exhale and experience breathing in the cold air that tried to touch me from the outside of my spiritual being. It was disappointing to be filled with something feeling so foreign. I felt more connected with my physical body than before. It took a real thought of doing so to remove myself once more. It was not difficult in practice, but I had to make a conscience effort to leave unlike the first time. I let the disappointment slide quickly away from me and went inside my apartment to continue the experience in a more familiar environment.
I had to return to the cold night air about thirty minutes after leaving it. Unlike other hallucinogens I have taken, my patience did not react well with unnatural objects such as my television screen or music playing or a black lights' luminescence. They were all familiar aliens; ones I did not like and would not share my time with. I went out and smoked again, and practically ran inside. My body was filled with this nervous (but not completely uncomfortable) energy that I could barely contain, and the intensity of it was beginning to ***scare me. To conquer my fear of the unknown I simply laughed out of pure instinct. I found myself laughing and eventually roaring over a spoon full of ****chili which I was only half-making to my bowl from the pot only inches away. I continued roaring after my laughter died away and noticed I was one of only thousands doing it. A huge crowd of warring Asian people fought on the television screen that played behind my view. They only lacked my wide ear-splitting grin and spoon full of chili, otherwise we were as one driving army with our fierce battle cries. That is when I decided I could no longer continue writing, as this much information was probably enough to fill my scientific purpose. Only now, in the small hours of the morning the scientist had checked out for the evening and the artist wanted to sign in. It was going to be a long night.
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Somewhere South of Real
by Joe Keller's organic being
inspired by Shelby Brammer's similiarly titled "Somewhere West of Love" which has absolutely nothing to do with this subject I release to you from the loins of craziness.
Setting: A sometimes jarring yet comfortable train. The cabin is pitch black except for the warm golden lights that blur by the windows at random intervals. There are aimless images of past lives' visions playing on a small television screen that shows more static than the actual television show. These images are all fond memories connected to no particular person.
CHARACTERS
Little Boy
Mommy
Train Conductor
God
The Devil
LITTLE BOY
Mommy I think I am sick and might need some medical attention.
The train loudspeaker crackles to life, blaring in perfect 8-bit quality, "Elf needs food badly"
MOMMY
I can't afford to take you anywhere. Get a job and make sure it has some good benefits---
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
(Voice Over through train speaker)
Please hide your cell phone and lock your doors. All sharp objects and cooking devices need to be detached from this ride as this train only makes one stop.
Sounds of breaking glass surround the interior car as large household items are tossed out the train's breaking windows. Knives, cords and cleaning supplies are being swept into the air from an unknown shadowy location and are thrust out into the night sky.
MOMMY
The stop you are making is not at the hospital or local jail. Get your life together young man and stop being such a wimp! I raised you to be better than that.
LITTLE BOY
O.K. I think I am doing better anyways. Besides, I have to go to the bathroom and will forget about being sick as soon as I stop staring at this purple screen in front of me.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
(Voice Over through train speaker)
Next stop Hell. No reboarding passes will be accepted. Please remove all personal baggage from your compartment.
Viewing out the window of the speeding train, Little Boy looks up and sees Hell; demons are all red-skinned porn stars and the devil is George Lucas. They are all lounging on frothing orange clouds and discussing the war in Iraq over warm martinis. Everyone is beautiful and lavishly, if not scantily, clothed. Someone starts vomiting loudly in the background and the Devil quickly turns off the lights of Hell with a snap of his finger.
MOMMY
Told you you'd end up there if you kept up your evil blasphemous ways! Now be a man and face the consequences of your sinful life. I will be looking down from heaven praying for mercy on your charred and ruinous soul.
She picks up a leash that is connected to gleaming silver cord pinched in-between the closed train doors.
Little boy looks out from a broken passenger window and sees Heaven below him. It is upside down as if looking into a puddle. God, a chrome-plated robot, blindly fires a large machine gun into the picturesque sky of blue and gold. The angels are Every Underprivileged Person In The World and their undersized dirty t-shirts say so. The angels are each leashed to a single bullet strung through Gods never-ending ammunition supply. When he fires a round, the angel attached violently explodes against an unseen wall somewhere in the distance. Their bloody remains congeal into shiny new bullets after sliding down the invisible wall to heavens ground. Through a speaker hanging askew from Gods mirror-shine mouth you hear broken laughter. The Angels shout praises to God while simultaneously securing their own leashes.
LITTLE BOY
I am not even grown yet! I don't even know of a hell. How can I be responsible for my actions when I am just now figuring out what they can cause? I am already damned. Have I no choice in life? If I can do anything I put my mind to, why is my mind limited to only doing so much?
GOD
(Voice Over through train speaker)
Social order buddy, ha ha buzzzzzzzz.
The Train Conductor now stands beside open door at the rear of the train car. His speaking voice sounds as if it is still coming from the overhead speaker.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Life isn't fair unless you are someone else and someone else you will never be. Now please, tuck and roll.
Little Boy is tossed out into the rushing winds and is carried like a feather into some unknown invisible path. Lights fade to black while Nine Inch Nails: Head Like A Hole plays its entirety.
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*That was a desperate attempt to find reality as I once remembered it. A semblance of order and structure was needed. I truly tried to force myself into writing in present tense but was unable to do so. I suppose that was not in favor of the rules of this reality that I was inside.
**Truly not being elsewhere as in across the creek or into the sky above me. I could direct my senses, all six of them, in a different direction
such as a camera mounted upon a persons' shoulders could be moved to change its viewpoint. My viewpoint was severe and sensitive to every facet of what my eyes brought in.
***Being rushed into a full on hallucination was a frightening thing to experience. Most drugs take time to hit that eventual "peak", unlike this unnamed one which brought myself into being before I could even exhale my first breath due to the nature of its spontaneous reaction, i.e. being smoked. I believe this was the basis of the out-of-body experience. I had no time to cope with the changes being made within my mind so I was truly outside of my physical self until enough time had passed being in this altered state of mind to feel comfortable being in it.
****Not being hungry at all, but really needing that burning feeling to play with is what led me to eating another bowl of chili. The second bowl was filled with even more hot sauce than the time before. I was beginning to sweat and I did not like it.
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Ode to Unparticular Fancies
It's a rich mans world and there's plenty of cheese,
But if you need some cheese please don't come to me.
I got only enough to fill my own damned bowl,
And that isn't a whole helluvalot,
I think I'd like some more.
I don't need your queso Mr. Senor,
It's a rich mans world but I don't own a door.
I could open the one that I currently rent,
But it wouldn't be mine if my monies were spent.
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P.S. Four hours and so many minutes had passed and I only felt a bit detached from myself. This drug was powerful when smoked but only temporarily effective. I was relieved and saddened at the same time. I was saddened that such a drug was legal but too short lived to consider an entertaining notion. I enjoyed the new experience and it ended completely hours later after falling asleep reading an engaging but hard to follow novel.
February 4, 2005, approximately 1:00amish till 5:00amish.
